Girl, Speak Up

Before we jump into this post, can I introduce myself to you really quick? My name is Talaya. I’ve been fashion designing for 13 years and writing for about 6 years. I met Dr. Bri through the infamous ‘Let There Be’ challenge that began in 2022.

I’ve had the pleasure of being a part of her marketing team as a copywriter for the email newsletters you all have been receiving. I am also a contributing copywriter for these wonderful blogs you’ve been reading. Now that we’ve gotten past the formalities, can I tell you my truth?

I wasn’t always one that was this open and vocal about my talents, collaborations, or even my obstacles. Let me tell you how that quickly changed. As I grew closer to God and got into some therapy, I had no choice but to open my mouth and speak up.

Before I became the woman who is unapologetically herself with being devoted to God and having a goofy personality, I was verrrryyyy insecure with the way that I spoke and thought. I knew I was creative, but I didn’t know how to be confident within that creativity. Especially in an environment that was molded to do things a certain way. Because of that, I decided to cohabitate with a spirit of “be quiet and conform”.

Before we move on, remember I am no longer this way. Baby, this is what we call a testimony. Alright? Let’s continue.

I was unaware that conforming to that specific way of being would cause me to close my mouth about everything. Including being sexually assaulted as a little girl and on my 16th birthday. That spirit spoke through my abusers and whispered, “If you say something, you’re going to get in trouble.”

Side note, you know you’re saved when hindsight reveals the spirit of a thing and not only the action that inflicted a wound. With that last statement, I was trying to bring some humor to this post, but that was lowkey a bar. Back to the subject at hand.

I was too afraid to speak up about being assaulted. That created a trickle-down effect to speak up about everything.

I struggled with setting boundaries due to the fear of speaking up.

I struggled with putting myself out there as a designer.

I struggled with telling God ALL of my desires.

I struggled with being honest with myself.

I struggled with being vulnerable with my community.

When I say the struggle was real, I mean it was REAL! Talk about the enemy trying to take me out?! In the words of Jay-Z, can I live?

My agreement with that spirit caused me to live life with a muzzle around my mouth. That was until I decided to open my mouth and speak up. I spoke up in 2018. I told my family and a few close friends. However, I had no idea that the journey of healing I was getting ready to embark upon would hurt so much. Can I paint the picture of what the pain felt like?

Imagine playing outside and scraping your knee until the white meat shows. You cry and tell your mama, and she tells you to come in the house and go bathe. You know that intense feeling that comes about after the water hits the open wound? (I’m a country girl at heart, so this example was one lived all too regularly.)

 It was that type of pain for about two years. Stinging. Tender. Raw. Scabby and fragile. Your girl was going through it, ya hear!

If I can be even more honest, it was worth it. I discovered my voice. I became confident with speaking up about things I was passionate about. I even saw that same confidence trickle-down to other aspects of my life.

So, I encourage you to take the muzzle off and open your mouth. Your voice matters and we need it.